(Note: Excuse any typo's or syntax errors. This was my way of dealing with the anxiety of whats been happening around us. So I do apologize if it sounded more like a rant)
Lately, I have been feeling many different emotions. Emotions that can make one either feel very lost, or very angry. The last time I had so many bursts of emotions running through me, I had a very scary anxiety/panic attack while driving. It was the scariest thing I have ever felt. Anyone who knows me knows how calm I usually am. That was the Summer of 2019, after I had taken my Chemistry exam. I ended up doing better than I had initially thought I would have, but as I get older I have been getting these sudden bursts of emotions washing over me like the shadows from a tree when you walk pass it. Just like anything, anxiety comes very sudden and very intense. No, I am not diagnosed with it nor am I taking prescription drugs for it. I prefer it that way, and I am currently figuring out my triggers and how to deal with them. Right now, breathing techniques are helping a little. I know eventually I will have to seek professional help, but for now I think that I am good. I did discuss it with my PCP as well.
In today's world, I thought that hate and discrimination towards another person(s) would have been behind us. In 2020 I never would have believed that we are still living in a world where the higher class and leaders are still brain washing their lesser educated counter parts. It's amazing to me how people are easily swayed to believe that something they did so horrifically unjust was of little importance or can be compared to a white lie. The injustice I am referring to is hate towards the Asian community. I grew up in Oakland, CA and I loved that we had so many different ethnic people living in our neighborhoods. I had always thought that all neighborhoods were like mine and people were just as nice and generous. Watching the news, and seeing all this hate all over the country including the Bay area, saddened my heart. I felt like the attitude towards the Asian community had let me down. Now, I know that I shouldn't let a couple of idiots change my love for the Bay and what I thought we stood for; diversity. Discrimination isn't anything new, and I know because Asians (especially in the Bay area) have always been the target for home invasions and such. So, what is it that upsets me? What upsets me is that people ignore or disregard Asian people when there is such a discrimination.
Generations before us let things go because it was different for them. They literally had no rights in this "FREE" country. Things shouldn't have escalated the way it did. What I did notice was the people that these violent acts were happening to were older people or people who were non-English speakers such as international students. The one thing I am grateful to see is the very few who are standing up for the injustices happening to my fellow Asians in this country. I can't say the same for other countries, but am thankful if you are doing something. Just speaking up or standing up for someone (especially someone elderly and who cannot speak English) delivers a more vital impact than you could ever imagine. As crazy as it sounds, things like this never really crossed my mind. When I was younger, I had a debate with a friend about what it meant to be "American". I always felt I was "an American", but he would always say, "no, you're an Asian/ Mien American. There is a difference." I never really got it until I took an Asian American studies course at the local community college here where I currently reside. It opened my eyes to many things like how to be more careful in what I do and what I say around certain people. I never needed to be that way when I was in the Bay area, because it was more diverse. I haven't really experienced the xenophobic behaviors here, but some people say they have. I am also one of those people who don't view people by their race, so I don't think I am being targeted but who knows. I am quite oblivious to things like that. Maybe growing up in Oakland where there were different ethnic backgrounds, I became more open.
For our future's sake I hope that people will stop with the hate. The focus right now shouldn't be where it came from but how to get those who are sick better, and be able to provide the right PPE for our healthcare workers. This is the time to be patriotic and neighborly, not xenophobic and hateful. Just because we're Asian doesn't automatically make us a carrier. That is such a ridiculous notion. A lot of this really created anxiety for me, because I didn't know if I was to go outside one day and someone will hurl insults or a weapon at me. Not to sound dramatic, but from the incidents of some of the victims I have seen on TV, am I being too dramatic? I kept this all inside of me, because I didn't want to voice something like this to my family and cause more stress than necessary. Between this and worrying about catching the virus while making a grocery run or while at work, my anxiety levels are at an all time high. Yes, I am still going in to work. I work for a hospital's Optical in their Ophthalmology Department. My hours have been cut, and I am only there to answer phones and check in emergencies, but people still come in like it's just another day. So, yes we are endangering ourselves and our loved ones too. It scares me when I go to work and when I come home, I worry that I may be bringing something back to them.
People should really take this more seriously, because it's not just about you. Its about the people you may put at risk. My mom has ESRD, which is Kidney Failure. Her immune system is compromised, and my dad and brother has to work outside the home so I worry about them too. Hypothetically, if my dad or brother catches the virus (hopefully not) and are asymptomatic, they can be carriers and they can give it to her. If she catches it, she may not survive. So, please I hope you all think first before going out. I hope everyone stays safe and wash those hands!
Lately, I have been feeling many different emotions. Emotions that can make one either feel very lost, or very angry. The last time I had so many bursts of emotions running through me, I had a very scary anxiety/panic attack while driving. It was the scariest thing I have ever felt. Anyone who knows me knows how calm I usually am. That was the Summer of 2019, after I had taken my Chemistry exam. I ended up doing better than I had initially thought I would have, but as I get older I have been getting these sudden bursts of emotions washing over me like the shadows from a tree when you walk pass it. Just like anything, anxiety comes very sudden and very intense. No, I am not diagnosed with it nor am I taking prescription drugs for it. I prefer it that way, and I am currently figuring out my triggers and how to deal with them. Right now, breathing techniques are helping a little. I know eventually I will have to seek professional help, but for now I think that I am good. I did discuss it with my PCP as well.
In today's world, I thought that hate and discrimination towards another person(s) would have been behind us. In 2020 I never would have believed that we are still living in a world where the higher class and leaders are still brain washing their lesser educated counter parts. It's amazing to me how people are easily swayed to believe that something they did so horrifically unjust was of little importance or can be compared to a white lie. The injustice I am referring to is hate towards the Asian community. I grew up in Oakland, CA and I loved that we had so many different ethnic people living in our neighborhoods. I had always thought that all neighborhoods were like mine and people were just as nice and generous. Watching the news, and seeing all this hate all over the country including the Bay area, saddened my heart. I felt like the attitude towards the Asian community had let me down. Now, I know that I shouldn't let a couple of idiots change my love for the Bay and what I thought we stood for; diversity. Discrimination isn't anything new, and I know because Asians (especially in the Bay area) have always been the target for home invasions and such. So, what is it that upsets me? What upsets me is that people ignore or disregard Asian people when there is such a discrimination.
Generations before us let things go because it was different for them. They literally had no rights in this "FREE" country. Things shouldn't have escalated the way it did. What I did notice was the people that these violent acts were happening to were older people or people who were non-English speakers such as international students. The one thing I am grateful to see is the very few who are standing up for the injustices happening to my fellow Asians in this country. I can't say the same for other countries, but am thankful if you are doing something. Just speaking up or standing up for someone (especially someone elderly and who cannot speak English) delivers a more vital impact than you could ever imagine. As crazy as it sounds, things like this never really crossed my mind. When I was younger, I had a debate with a friend about what it meant to be "American". I always felt I was "an American", but he would always say, "no, you're an Asian/ Mien American. There is a difference." I never really got it until I took an Asian American studies course at the local community college here where I currently reside. It opened my eyes to many things like how to be more careful in what I do and what I say around certain people. I never needed to be that way when I was in the Bay area, because it was more diverse. I haven't really experienced the xenophobic behaviors here, but some people say they have. I am also one of those people who don't view people by their race, so I don't think I am being targeted but who knows. I am quite oblivious to things like that. Maybe growing up in Oakland where there were different ethnic backgrounds, I became more open.
For our future's sake I hope that people will stop with the hate. The focus right now shouldn't be where it came from but how to get those who are sick better, and be able to provide the right PPE for our healthcare workers. This is the time to be patriotic and neighborly, not xenophobic and hateful. Just because we're Asian doesn't automatically make us a carrier. That is such a ridiculous notion. A lot of this really created anxiety for me, because I didn't know if I was to go outside one day and someone will hurl insults or a weapon at me. Not to sound dramatic, but from the incidents of some of the victims I have seen on TV, am I being too dramatic? I kept this all inside of me, because I didn't want to voice something like this to my family and cause more stress than necessary. Between this and worrying about catching the virus while making a grocery run or while at work, my anxiety levels are at an all time high. Yes, I am still going in to work. I work for a hospital's Optical in their Ophthalmology Department. My hours have been cut, and I am only there to answer phones and check in emergencies, but people still come in like it's just another day. So, yes we are endangering ourselves and our loved ones too. It scares me when I go to work and when I come home, I worry that I may be bringing something back to them.
People should really take this more seriously, because it's not just about you. Its about the people you may put at risk. My mom has ESRD, which is Kidney Failure. Her immune system is compromised, and my dad and brother has to work outside the home so I worry about them too. Hypothetically, if my dad or brother catches the virus (hopefully not) and are asymptomatic, they can be carriers and they can give it to her. If she catches it, she may not survive. So, please I hope you all think first before going out. I hope everyone stays safe and wash those hands!
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